Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Alphabet According to a Ging
So you know how there’s that generic “A is for apple, B is for boy, C is for cat, blah blah BULLSHIT???” Well, I’m hear to change it! I always get nervous during phonecalls…What happens is I say “F as in F***?” NOW, I know longer will fret.
A as in Alex (that’s me)
B as in Bitch (that’s me)
C as in CATHOLIC!
*D as in Detective
E as in EATING-favorite pastime I’m taking a break from these days.
F as in Facebook (I wanted to say F*** and so did you!)
G as in Gingers
H as in HEYTHERESETH.COM ::plug::
I as in well, I. I’m very important.
J as in JEW
K as in Klonopin (my very dearest sleeping pal…I mean, pill)
L as in Lakers, Lamborghinis, and Louboutins
*M as in MacKenzie!
N as in Nail Cit-AYYY (best nail place- where I go to make fun of Asians. The only cool azn=Joe Koi)
O as in Orange-the color I turn when I use “S”
P as in PETPEEVE
Q as in QUEEEEER. Like those polo players down in FloRidaaa.
R as in RUDE. Favorite word as a child. Everyone was RUDE.
S as in Self-Tanner
T as in TOOL
U as in UNemployment
V as in Vodka- Gray Goose, Belvedere, Absolut, Ciroc, Popov, Skyy, UV, Smirnoff, Seagrams. Take it how you can get it, bitches.
W as in WINE. Pink wine, actually. White Zinfa-whatever. Tastes like a juice box.
X as in XANAX. Another pal that gets me through the day.
Y as in “You wish you were a bitch like me.”
Z as in…Z should just be taken out of the alphabet. Says who? Says me.
BTW, my HTS readers, thought you might like to know… I started jotting this down in the back of my “Anxiety Workbook for Teens.”