Sunday, March 20, 2011

I hate AT&T #2


Just another little chatting session that I had with AT&T. 

System
Welcome Mr. ldkfj asdklfjasl.
System
Connecting to server. Please wait...
System
Connection with server established.
System
Technical Support Topic: DSL High Speed Internet
System
BERTHA has joined this session!
System
Connected with BERTHA
You
Whadup, Big Bertha?

You
I need to cancel my internet service. Can you do that?

BERTHA
I apologize for the I apologize for the inconvenience.

You
I apologize. What is going on here?

You
Can you please just hit the cancel button on my account?

You
I know it says that I have DSL, but I swear I hear the buzzin noise of the dial-up.

BERTHA
May I know the reason for you cancel ling the services with AT&T?

You
I have like 10,000 free minutes with AOL.

You
Because your internet service is slow. I can tether from my iPhone faster.

BERTHA
I understand your concern.

You
but it's verizon, and verizon is WAY better than AT&T.

You
Verizon does not service my area....but I'd rather than none, than AT&T.

You
So, just cancel the helll out of my account, please.

You
The last person I talked to said that they can't, but I know you are better than them, Biff.

BERTHA
I will give you the direct number of our cancellation department 866-722-3425 & their hour of business. AM-FA: 7 am-PM ET Sat/Sun: Closed.

You
That is a bogus number. They just put me on hold. I was on hold for 4 hours...do you have 4 hours to sit on hold? I gots chizz to do.

BERTHA
I am sorry Sir,But this is the direct number for the cancellation department.

You
Direct to what? Hold music?

You
Department of wast my time?

You
How would you feel if you called me and I put you on hold for 4 hours?

You
I'll tell you how you would feel. You'd feel shitty. Then you'd get on a computer and vent to a Liverperson chatter...

You
This is not what I am doing, but this is what YOU would do. We are different types of people, you see...

You
I don't like your harsh 'tude, Bert.

You
I resent it.

BERTHA
You can also call the Voice team with this number 800-288-2020 & ask them to transfer to the cancellation department.

You
Turn that frown upside down, and cancel my crappy service.

You
I don't want to hear a voice. I want there to be a cancel button, and I would like to push it...sit on it...kick it, whatever.

You
This is ridiculous.

You
Who is At&t's CEO, if you don't mind me asking...

You
If I tried to google that on my home internet, it'd take the same 4 hours that I'd be on hold if I called that number you so graciously provided to me.

You
At least you guys are consistent.

You
Ben, can you call the cancellation line for me and get them to cancel it?

BERTHA
I am very sorry for that Sir.

You
I bet the cancellation person sits right next to you. So, spin around on your swivel chair and say "Yo Paul, cancel my boy Seth's shitty internet service. He's had enough of our crummy service"

You
then Paul can push the cancel button.

You
Can you transfer me to Paul on Liveperson?

You
I'll explain it to him.

BERTHA
As a tech support agent we cannot cancel your services.

You
Does Paul have a brother names Jim? I used to know a Paul, and his brother, Jim, was a good guy.

You
Paul? Yeah, a bit of a jerk.

You
Then...can you make my internet less crappy?

BERTHA
I have not idea about that sir.

You
support that.

You
Is Paul there?

You
Can you ask him for me?

You
What color is the cancel button? I'd assume red, but...

You
Do you know what assuming does?

BERTHA
As we are located across the globe, we never know where the chat lands.

You
It makes an ass out of U, and... well, you weren't planning on calling me a naughty word, were you?

You
Are you in Effin India?

You
Awww chizzy.

You
Is that how you spell the city in India?

BERTHA
I would request you to contact either of these numbers 866-722-342 and 800-288-2020.

You
Pardon my frustration, but you guys suck. Tell Paul I hate him, but to say hi to Jim for me.

BERTHA
If I come across I would definitely do that for you.

You
Like your service, your grammar is horrible.

You
Do you speak english?

You
I don't have time for you to speak in different languages that I dont understand.

You
Have a great day, Berty!

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