Friday, March 18, 2011

I hate AT&T

This is a little conversation that I had on AT&T's nifty Liveperson Chat. I tried calling them to cancel my shitty internet service, but they just put us on hold...so I thought I'd try an alternative. Didn't go exactly the way that I planned, but I got some laughs out of it. I type a bit faster than the dipshits at AT&T, so some of the convo is out of order...

BTW...can you believe I blogged!?!? Yeah....
(You is me...FYI)


System
Welcome Mr. Seth Cameron.
System
Connecting to server. Please wait...
System
Connection with server established.
System
Technical Support Topic: DSL High Speed Internet
System
PATRICA has joined this session!
System
Connected with PATRICA
PATRICA
Thank you for contacting AT&T Internet Support, my name is Patrica (pj4017). I see that I am chatting with Mr. Seth Cameron. Am I correct?

You
Hi Patricia.

PATRICA
Hello.

You
Can you please support me in getting rid of my internet service?

You
I tried calling, but was on hold for over 4 hours.

PATRICA
Sure.

PATRICA
I will assist you with your issue.

You
Thank you.

PATRICA
You are welcome.

PATRICA
I see that you have provided 805796xxxx as the number associated with your DSL/Dial account. Am I correct?

You
I have no idea what phone number is associated with my account. That is my cell number.

PATRICA
Okay.

PATRICA
Please let me know the AT&T primary email address.

You
Patrick, what information do you need?

You
152 xxx Court, Los Angeles, CA 90000

PATRICA
Please let me know the AT&T primary email address.
PATRICA
Mr.Cameron, I want to know your AT&T primary email account.

You
oh, email.

You
I'm not sure.

You
I have a few...

You

You

You

You

You
do any of those work?

You

You

You

You

You

You
can I just give you my account number?

PATRICA
Please let me know the email address with the domain as abc@att.net or abc@sbcglobal.net

PATRICA
Sure.

You
Oh, I for sure don't have one of those.
PATRICA
Okay.

PATRICA
Please let me know your account number.

You
I was never offered one. Was the email address part of my $24.99 fee? If so, since I never used it, can I have a refund on that portion of my monthly bill?

You
My account number is 091-003-1531-471-5

PATRICA
Let me check it for you.

You
I'm not sure why would anyone use @att.net or @sbcglobal.net when gmail is free, and far far superior

You
Patty, are you one of the smart fellas' that uses gmail? Or are you required as a att employee to use one of those silly domains?

PATRICA
Thank you for confirming the details.

You
No prob, Pat.

You
The internet service that your company has been providing me is HORRIBLE.

You
I tether from my iPhone, and it's at least 3 times faster.

PATRICA
AT&T provides free email address to all its customers with DSL account.

You
But that's from Verizon, which is on a different level than att.

You
Plus, I know when I signed up with att's home internet, the fee was $19.99/month. Then randomly, you upcharged me. Like a bait and switch type of deal...isn't that illegal?

You
I'll have to check with my attorney.

PATRICA
Mr. Cameron, may I know the reason you want to disconnect the AT&T DSL services?

You
You lure me in with a carrot...then switched it to a brussesl sprout.

You
I HATE brussels sprouts.

You
Uhhh yeah. Your chizz sucks.

You
Sorry, slow.

You
really slow.

You
Do you like brussel sprouts?

You
You'd be the first.

PATRICA
I do not.

You
Where are you located, Pattycakes?

PATRICA
I'm sorry but for security reasons, we do not disclose our specific location.

You
Neither do I. Maybe, the CEO of att does...cuz he tried to shove a brussel sprout down my throat.

You
No prob...I know, ever since 9/11, everyone is all sensitive..


You
I'm not. I gave you my address.

You
Do not come by.

PATRICA
Mr. Cameron, I apologize for the inconvenience caused. If you wish to cancel the DSL services, you need to call our cancellation department.

You
OMG

You
Are you kidding me?

You
Hold one sec. Let me read our conversation.
PATRICA
Sure

You
I know I am not a genius, but I'm a pretty gud reader... and this is what I readed.

You
YouCan you please support me in getting rid of my internet service?YouI tried calling, but was on hold for over 4 hours.PATRICASure.PATRICAI will assist you with your issue.YouThank you.PATRICAYou are welcome.

You
I believe you said that you can help me get rid of my crummy internet service.

You
I'm on at work, on my Lunch. I don't have a 4 hour lunch break to sit on hold with you.


You
If I was at home, this conversation would have taken 6 times as long.

You
Unless of course I used my Verizon iPhone. Then it'd be fast.

PATRICA
Yes, I said that I will assist you and I am assisting you by providing the correct information regarding your issue.

You
lolol. That's a good one.

You
You provided me with a laugh, that's about it, Patto.

PATRICA
You have reached the High Speed Internet Technical Support group. We have a separate dedicated department for the cancellation/disconnection of DSL services. Please call at 866-240-7221 (residential) and 888-365-6404 (business) between Monday to Friday: 10am-7pm CT Sat/Sun: Closed.

PATRICA
Is there anything else that I may assist you with today?

You
Do they have a liveperson cancellation line?

You
I'll call, and put me on hold for 4 hours.

PATRICA
Please call this number and you will be connected to them.

You
they put me on hold. haha...that would be impossible to put myself on hold.

You
I will be put on hold.

PATRICA
I am sorry, but we do not have any other way to cancel the services.
You
What if I just discard my monthly bill?

You
Just assume that you will cancel for me?

PATRICA
I am sorry, but we do not have any information about canceling the services this way.

You
Do you have 4 hours to sit around and listen to crummy music?

PATRICA
I understand your concern.

You
I'm not concerned.

You
I'm just going to take my monthly bill and write that I do not want service any longer. Will that work, Paco?

You
and mail it back.

You
Hopefully, your mail department will get the hint.

PATRICA
I am sorry, but we do not know if that will work. This information will be best shared by our billing department.

You
So, you will take care of this for me?

You
Just forward this conversation to your billing department.

PATRICA
Please feel free to call our cancellation department regarding your issue.

PATRICA
They will help you.

PATRICA
Is there anything else that I may assist you with today?

PATRICA
Sure

You
I'm calling Verizon to help me get good internet service.

You
Yes. Cancel my chizz.

You
Pedro, it's been a pleasure chatting with you.

PATRICA
We do not have access to cancel the services.

You
Thank you, Peter.

PATRICA
You are welcome.

You
Peter, do you ride dirt bikes?

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